I'm in the emergency room right now waiting to hear how Gillian is. She says she's okay other than a few bad bruises, but we went here anyway because she hit her head and was dizzy and tired. I'm okay other than being a little sore and banged up, myself. I'm mostly worried and shell shocked. I hate myself immensely for endangering her at all.
I should probably tell the story of what happened, but if someone comes out with info about her, I'm putting this down obviously. She's far more important than a challenge.
So we were driving home from having dinner at the Cornerstone Cafe in Coats, NC (highly recommended btw) and a raccoon ran out in front of me. I slammed on the breaks and when I hit it (after all that, I still hit the bastard) I fell onto a soft shoulder of the road, hit an abrupt ditch end, jumped over a driveway, and landed in another ditch. The car was very much totaled.I'll post pictures in tomorrow's blog post probably.
I just can't stop thinking of the fact that she could have died. My love. Everything I'd always dreamed of and all of my life plans almost gone. Because of me. I hate myself so much right now. I hate myself so much right now. I hate myself so much right now.
I'm just so so thankful that she's okay for the most part. I couldn't live if I had done anything to hurt her. I really should get checked out too because my neck hurts and my arm is throbbing, but I'd rather sit in the waiting room and make sure she's okay before seeing a doctor of my own. I love her with all of my heart and it sickens me to think that my screw up caused her to be in the ER. I hate myself.
The first thing I did when the car stopped was get out and check on her. I could barely walk, but she's all I was thinking about. I called 911 and she called my dad since they were closer by. I'm just glad she's okay. At least from anything major. I hate myself.
I think I've found a sign off: I. Hate. Myself.
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