I have a stomach disorder. I've had it badly since around 2006 and have been back and forth to hospitals since then trying to get it figured out. Nobody has any idea what it is that's wrong. At this point I've had every test the gastroenterologist can give me except for a secondary gallbladder scan and nothing. No answers. It's really really awful. It's actually a lot worse than one would imagine. When you have stomach and GI issues, it doesn't end at not being able to have certain foods, or even at getting pain and nausea every time you eat. It's so much more. Every "dinner" or food oriented event for me is really uncomfortable. I feel really self-conscious and like everyone is watching me and wondering why I'm eating so slowly. And then I have to leave and use the bathroom and sometimes I can't come back for half an hour because I'm in so much pain and everyone has one of two looks when I finally get back. They either have a look of amusement that someone could be pooping for 30 whole minutes (yes, it is very possible) or they give me a look of pity. That classic "You poor thing" look with the half-slanted mouth and the occasional tut tut. Instantly I become exactly what I don't want to be: the center of attention. It's also a matter of normality. There are few things that make you feel not-human, and this is one of them. Eating is something every living thing does in some way shape or form, but I can't do it properly. It's like my body is telling me to hurry up and die. Well guess what, body. No. I refuse.
The second thing I wanted to mention was reading. Ever since I was a child I've loved books. I started reading at a very young age and still read for pleasure just about every night. I mostly read classic literature, but I read a little of everything. I just finished Lord of the Flies and it was 'aight. Not my favorite AT ALL, but it wasn't horrible. The ending was weird. But now I'm reading something I've been excited to read for a LONG time. My favorite musician, John Darnielle (also known as The Mountain Goats) just recently released a novel called Wolf in a White Van and in preparing to read that, I decided to read his first book, Black Sabbath Master of Reality and It. Is. AMAZING. John's writing is so absolutely brilliant that I can't even begin to explain it to you. I'm already relating to the main character Roger as much, if not more, than I did with Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye or Pudge (Miles) Halter from Looking for Alaska. Reading Master of Reality is making me SO FREAKING EXCITED to read Wolf in a White Van and I am just so so very happy that John Darnielle is just as good of a novelist as he is a lyricist. He is my hero, and I couldn't be more thankful for his work. It is truly something special to me and has inspired me on several occasions to keep going.
So yeah, that's mostly all I have to say. Oh yeah, the pictures. I was gonna post those. Let's see if they'll upload.
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